By Marie C. Barrett
Relationships are supposed to be peaceful, rewarding, and fun! They're not supposed to be boring, difficult, or distant. If your relationship with your lover has turned a little chilly, lost its excitement or is now just plain boring, when did it begin to lose its spunk?
Maybe your relationship with your partner just gradually lost its sparkle over time, stressed by the demands made on you by children, business, finances, diverging interests or just by the sheer boredom of familiarity.
All our relationships, as too, our business success, sporting prowess and flow of life generally, begin as a thought in our mind. Remember when you first fell in love with your partner; you thought of them day in, day out. Life was a joy because you were united in loving another person deeply and completely. And you knew you were being loved in return – and this, by the way, is a bonus. Essentially, love is about giving.
Those early days of infatuated, romantic love were wonderful, invigorating and deliciously pleasant. And that is what love is meant to be like; compelling, joyous, energizing and filling your thoughts with desire to be with your lover, to hold her and be held by her, close, intimate, one, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
But in life, as in all loving relationships, there will always be an ebb and flow of energy. It comes in and fills up, then it pauses, breathless for a moment or two, before releasing its tension and flowing away. That’s polarity, a fundamental condition of life. You may remain in love, but the feeling of intensity will vary, just like the ocean tides. The moment you stop waiting for the incoming wave is when you start forgetting to care, and love begins to dim a little. Continue on this path of imperceptibly waning interest and your love will starve for want of emotional energy.
Union in love, as with union in anything, means joining to become one. It means looking into your partner’s eyes with a twinkle of joy and a smile, just because you see and appreciate her uniqueness and beauty of soul. It means knowing you have a special, unique and intimate connection with your partner that grows richer and more lively every day.
And it means you have to consciously and deliberately cultivate that way of seeing, of feeling, of smiling with your eyes, of expecting (and thereby empowering) the best of your partner, of loving unconditionally.
You will know your love is growing stronger and deeper daily, when she is always with you in thought, in energy presence. Sensitivity to each other is love in action; passive action sometimes, but none the less real. This is part of the inevitable ebb and flow in your relationship: giving, receiving, allowing, asking, responding, speaking, listening, being vulnerable, strong, honest, lovable and always, no matter what, offering unconditional love.
In giving love you will always end up receiving more than you gave. That is the nature of love. If you find your partner unable to give you the love you desire in the moment, that is your opportunity to love unconditionally through allowing her space to be as she is. She will do the same for you in your moments of low energy, pain or stress. Reciprocal understanding and forgiveness will forge a bond of love that will withstand the test of familiarity, of tension and stress, of sadness, of divergent growth.
And finally, if perchance you find your relationship is irrevocably over, and this may happen, know that love is still your essence. In every moment, love is seeking expression in your life. When you step out from one relationship, believe that step is taken in the direction of love waiting for you afresh, with open arms.
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